Back in November my Master left me. There wasn't any warning signs...just a text that he didn't want me anymore and that this will be the last message I got from him. My world stopped. It messed up my whole day completely. He erased me from everything. To him I didn't exist anymore. I was a nobody. Why would the person that was suppose to love me and care for me not want me anymore.
For the first three weeks I'd cry every morning when i woke up. i cried during the day when i was alone. i cried every time i heard his name and i cried every night to sleep. Trying to go through the day as if nothing was happening was very hard. when you have to be at work or in class and you have to put your feelings to the side and choke on them so no one knows whats wrong. i begin to fall into a depressive state. More tears and then i began to eat to try to make myself happy and that didnt work. I gain 30 pounds. Im the heaviest i have ever been in my life.
The days went by and he didnt even try to contact me. And then it start to hit. He doesnt want me anymore...what have i done. i start blaming myself..maybe it was something i had done. what did i do wrong. i begin to start cutting myself again. in my mind i couldnt do anything right. I began to isolate myself from everyone. i didnt want to live anymore. i really wanted to hurt myself bad. i wanted to hurt him to. i wanted him to suffer how im suffering...
I then turned to someone i didnt think i would have turned to...his ex-slave. She was there for me and he helped me through. she told me it would be okay and that i should focus on myself for the time being and live. i started to talk to her on the daily or when i felt sad and i needed to cry she was there for me...and i love her for that..
But i guess there is always some type of happy ending to everything. its march and things between MAster and i have been on since the beginning of February. Although he has come back to me our relationship is still complicated. For me my walls were up and have come down and are slightly back up again. im still trying to trust him. hes hurt me and theres a lot of making up to do before its all patched up. Do i still love him...of course with all me heart. will this make us better as a couple...maybe....is the damage already done to late...who knows. all i know is that he loved me enough to come back....
Song Selection: Rihanna- Needed me
