Why so calm?

Its been some time since I last seen my Master. Normally when there's some distance between us i get antsy...REAL antsy. At the moment however, im calm. His little piggy is calm. Doing things Master wants her too...Stretching all of her holes for Him. I do have that needy feel but doing what Master wants lessens it. That and thinking of Him 24/7. As Master has told me countless times there is nothing to get all excited about. And He's right....He's always right..

Mind Fuckery

Mind Fuckery is one hell of a thing. It can be exciting  or it can very well be terrible. In my case i guess it is not so terrible..

These past couple of days i have been a very calm person; too calm in my opinion. But why is that? Well i have a mind that can lead me to a tunnel of "things that are only in your imagination," and are very much different from what my Master thinks so i try to shut all mental communications down. 

I'll give an example, Master and i haven't had sex in six months.. Yes this is a sexual relationship but sometimes we don't get around to it, i don't see him as often and the mere fact that living arrangements are not 24/7.....not having sex in my mind has made me feel less sexy. i know i'm sexy and i know my Master finds me sexy but i don't feel it. That sounds really jumbled. How can one know they are one thing but they feel the opposite way about it. 

 I can hear some of you sighing sand pushing out the OMGs. 

Reservations for 3

That day is finally coming. I get to play with Daddy and another person. I'm pretty excited, anxious, nervous and most of all overwhelmed.

Before when Daddy and I talked about this I was sort of not happy about it. I didn't want to share Him and definitely not with someone he use to own. But now I'm more eager to try it out.

I've always wanted to taste a woman...know what she smells like. Just thinking about my mouth on her pussy slurping away at her or the thought of Daddy watching his slave play with another gets me wet. Hmmm....i wonder what her nipples feel like..what her mouth feels like or if she's sadistic like Daddy....i wonder a lot about her. I wonder what she'll say when its over.

Not to mention, the different angles of play for everyone. Daddy sees a slave and a sub at once. She sees a slave and a Dom at once, and I see two Doms at once. And that's the overwhelming part for me. I'm at the bottom of the food chain. I get twice as much of everything...but I look at the bright side of things. I get to make Daddy very happy while he's happy to show me off.

But I wonder...is the center of this play date Daddy...or is it sharing me...or could it be both?

Song Selection: Do What U Want- Lady Gaga ft. R.Kelly

Idle Hands

Hmmm so im sitting here thinking....i think as every day goes by its a day closer to seeing Daddy. Like any other slave i can't wait. Its been a while and I really need my Daddy. But that's not what this post is about. Its about going through out the days but with nothing to do. My inner goddess is telling me "Why don't you ask Daddy for task to do everyday"; and i remember thinking about that months and months ago. It would give me something to do while my waits continue. Try it out as a test run.


Oh did I mention i may be getting canned next week...maybe i write something about my thoughts and feelings on it before it actually happens.

Anxious

Last night was there was an abundance of emotions going on for me. Daddy is making plans on having a sub play with us here and there starting next month, and I'm a bit excited because its something new, but nervous because i hope i can do everything asked of me.

Daddy told me some things to expect; what i should call Him and her, what to do when i get there...the list goes on. I don't know why but i freaked out a bit. I started to feel a wall come up; a wall that builds when i feel to exposed and vulnerable. It protects me by shutting down all emotions and feelings. I become disconnected from everything and everyone, including Daddy. He's excited about the whole thing and the other sub is excited too, but why am i not excited i thought to myself.

As always Daddy knows how to fix it. He wanted me to make me cum. I have a plug in my ass that i wear 24/7. Daddy wanted me to pull it in and out of me. Mmmm it felt so good. Then i had to alternate fucking my ass and my pussy with it. My mood is starting to mellow out. Daddy let me cum twice and that did it.

"Do you feel better"

"Yes"

"Good, thats what I wanted to hear"

Still i felt exposed but that wall was coming down. What took me by surprise was when Daddy said i should look at it as Him showing me off because He's proud of me. I still getting caught up with my words when thinking of this because Daddy has never showed that i do make Him feel proud enough to show me....if that makes any sense lol.

I woke up this morning and my inner goddess had a big smile on her face. Is it safe to say I'm looking forward to play time with the three of us....just a little more than i thought.

Song Selection: God and Monsters by Lana del Rey

The New Year

So the new year is here and all I can say is...well....I don't know what to say. I want this year to be better than the last. A better me, better communication and a stronger relationship with Daddy. More days with Daddy. I know I've had my fair share of ups and down and I haven't been the easiest slave, but I think I have grown up a bit. Nonetheless there is always room for improvement. And what is a new year without trying to change your flaws.

Two things I think I need to improve on:

My Insecurities 

Daddy chose me as His slave, that is more than enough reason to put a stop to it. I get that part of Him that few people see, and I don't want to be the one that mess that up.

My Fears
Fear of meeting Daddy's expectations. I use to be afraid of everything including Daddy, but once I got comfortable and found my place I feel like I've jumped off a cliff head first without a parachute.

This could really be my year and I'm determined to make the best of it.

There's so much more I want to say, but my mind can't seem to put anything in order at the moment lol. Until next time...xoxo
                                                                                                                    -R.

Song Selection: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield